The Bishop’s call to Ladies in our time

Are you a Female?

Or a Lady?

In my own words, the Lady has her strength in her femininity, her “dainty demeanor” not necessarily vulnerable, but her special and distinctive caring instincts” are worth celebrating, going back to the pre-colonial era in Africa where ladies were maltreated and seen as reproductive machines, ladies have rarely ever walked in the higher level of their femininity since this age, the ones who History recognized never really got to the height. I know her disappearance was an act of defiance and perhaps frustration, we’ve seen what oppression can do. but there’s a Grace to be a Lady and the Strength to endure. I don’t have to mention where Caitlyn Jenner belongs, you know (haha)

But you know, we need to respond to this “ladyship” thing whether consciously or unconsciouly, humans are always striving to perfection, to live out their purpose and function on earth.

I’m responding to this call,

Will you?

Call to ladies
Call to ladies

The Bishop’s call to Ladies in our time

The lady is not an endangered species, because We’re rising up!!! Just like the dry bones that became flesh in the valley of the Dry bones..Glory! haha

Like the gentleman, her masculine counterpart, she is not getting extinct. There is more to being a gentleman than being a male. Likewise, there is more to being a lady than being a female.

A real lady is unique and valuable.

Don’t be too cautious to DO YOU Live out your femininity and the world will adjust could it be in the way you connect to your feminine self, the way you groom, the way connect and feel yourself, Moderation, is not synonymous to NEGLECT

The breeding required to produce her has been deemed outmoded and irrelevant. She has been replaced by a more modern, less caring, poorly crafted, carelessly calibrated, and a crassly competitive caricature. A lady is a sensitive, temperate, competent woman who has ambitions yet possesses class and finesse. She is a woman with a dream. She is the pristine prima donna of days gone by. She is sadly missed.

[Read more:Excellence in being a lady]

I know when we start talking about elegance and using terms like pristine, you associate it with male dominance and the historical oppression of women. Admittedly, women were not always treated justly. Men often took unfair advantage of their dainty demeanor and chaste disposition. However,  it is the action of the man that needs mending,not the woman. We must be like the florist who strips the rose of its thorns but leaves its petals. Is there no way to clip the prickly part of life and maintain the fragrant?

consciously or unconsciouly, humans are always striving to perfection, to live out their purpose and function on earth, feminines inclusive!

When we search for the woman of excellence, there is one thing we must consider: the possibility that she has drowned in the rebellion that  is so characteristic of an abused, neglected, unappreciated species. The glory days of yesteryear were filled with gender bias and injustice. Unfortunately the good ole boys’ club is still up and running.
Woman has suffered immeasurable abuse and mistreatment, and in response, she has had to become a fighter, hardened to the world that has done her wrong.
Yet beneath the mask or hard exterior, there is a soft centre that she hides from public view. She is afraid for it to be seen. The last time she showed it to someone, she was hurt, and so she thrives and progresses by smothering her femininity and buying her compassion.

The call to LADIES!mode-678832_1280[1]
Do you feel the need??
Do you sense something lacking???

What do we do? This call ain’t for nothing. Are you just a female or a Lady? Answer the question

Please Share and Tag a friend and let’s do this together, this is part of my motivation, this piece from Bishop T.D. JAKES in his book “The Lady, Her Lover, and Her Lord”.

Share your thoughts and also if you want more insights on the book,make it clear.

Michael Kors              Born again?

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HOW TO BE A LADY, LOVEPANKY VERSION(10 steps)

A lady takes the air out of a room when she walks in and makes all other women feel less like a woman. Find out how to be a lady with these 10 steps.

A lady is the epitome of womanhood.

She’s grand and gorgeous, grabs attention without secret glances, and demands respect without words.

She’s the kind of woman other women want to be and other men want to be with.

A lady knows just what to do in any circumstance.

She’s aware and strong, but yet doesn’t make her man feel less like a man when he’s around her.

The traits of a real lady

Most people assume a lady has to dress like she’s walked out of the Victorian era, and behave like she’s a snotty, spoilt princess who loves frowning at other women and looking down at men.

But in reality, a lady is nothing like that.

A lady is someone who makes everyone around her feel loved and respected no matter where she is.

She blends in when she has to, and stands out gracefully when the need arises.

But beyond all that, a lady is someone who makes her man swell with pride and want her more every day.

I think a real lady has class and I have my post on how to be a classy lady here. 😉

How to be a lady

How to be a lady who awes everyone
How to be a lady who awes everyone

If you want to know how to be a lady, don’t fret over the behavior of others or fuss over the arrangement of spoons at a dinner party. Just learn to carry yourself gracefully, and talk to people like you would to a dear friend in a quiet place.

Don’t get it?

Well, just use these 10 steps and let them guide you through the passage of transformation from a woman to a real lady.

#1 Be elegant and graceful. Learn to carry yourself with elegance when you have company no matter where you are, be it at home or out with friends. Don’t clumsily crash on tables while walking or plonk yourself on the couch like you’ve had too much to drink. A real lady is always graceful and feminine.

#2 Make your man feel like a real man. Men love feeling like the protectors in the relationship. They don’t care who has control of the relationship as long as they “feel” like they’re controlling it. Play by the games of evolution. Let your man take the place of the protector while you play your part as a damsel who needs him around.

Give your man a lot of attention and always make him feel special. And always remember to ask for his assistance even if you’re fully capable of doing it yourself. As long as it’s a chore that feels manly, he’ll help you out with a grin on his face.

And the more you make your man feel like he’s the protector of the relationship, the more he’ll love you and want to be with you.

#3 Be pleasant to the ears. No one likes a loudmouth, be it a guy or a girl. If you want to be a lady, learn to control your decibel level. Speak softly and avoid shrieking unless you’re excited by something *ladies always look cute when they shriek excitedly*.

Smile a lot and always try to involve the people around you into a pleasant conversation. A lady doesn’t brag about herself and her communication skills, she makes everyone else do that involuntarily for her!

#4 Bad language and rude gestures. This is a compete no-no. There are so many ways to express yourself without the use of vulgar language or gestures. Of course, on a rare occasion, it’s completely acceptable to use a cuss word or two. But consciously put in an effort to avoid using bad language, especially when you’re in the company of many people.

#5 Flirting comes naturally to ladies. Well, flirt with men if you must and if you enjoy it, but never indulge in it when your man is around you. And even if you’re sweet talking with another guy when your man steps in, wrap your hands around your own man to let everyone else know that you’re already taken.

The only men who feel insecure are the ones who feel like their girlfriend or wife is a potential cheater. If you make your man feel confident about your relationship by introducing him to any other man you meet without a worry in the world, your man won’t have any worries about the relationship either.

#6 Don’t wash your laundry in public. A lady never makes an ugly scene in public unless she has no choice. If you have minor differences with your man or if you’re upset with him about something, don’t bring that conversation up when you’re in the company of others. It’ll only make your relationship seem fragile, and at times, it may even emasculate your man.

Remember this, a lady stands up for her man in public, even if she questions him in private.

#7 Be aware of the world around you. A lady is always aware of the world around her. She’s not just a pretty doll who knows how to dress and look good. This may take a while to master, but spend a good hour reading the newspapers and watching the news every day. Don’t be the dumb, pretty lass who needs her man around to add two numbers or tell her about the presidential elections because she’s too dimwitted to understand what’s going on herself.

A real lady is smart, even shrewd when need be, and she’s always ready to give advice to her man or anyone else who needs her advice.

#8 Be a gracious host and a charming guest. A lady is a people’s person. So if you want to be one, you need to learn to speak to people warmly when you’re a guest. And when you’re a host, you need to make your guests feel right at home around you. (Read more at: The excellence in being a lady)

Have you ever met a woman or two who make you feel so comfortable and relaxed within a few minutes of meeting them? Well, that’s a definite trait of a lady. She’s gracious, fun and knows how to make people feel important and loved.

#9 Learn your P’s and Q’s. Manners are everything if you want to be a lady. Learn to ask for something you want with a “please”, and make sure you thank anyone who helps you warmly. When you genuinely mean your p’s and q’s, the people you speak too will feel special just to talk to you.

#10 Don’t go soft. Just because you’re behaving like a lady and your man’s ready to help you all the time shouldn’t make you soft. Be strong, smart and savvy. Your man may like helping you now and then. But if he feels like you can’t do anything by yourself, he’ll start to get frustrated easily.

Remember, the key to being a lady is to ask a man for help, but always look for subtle ways to let him realize that you could do it yourself. By asking for his help like you need it, you’re not just asking him for help, you’re making him feel more like a man by making him feel more powerful in the relationship.

Things to avoid doing just because you’re a lady (be classy not bitchy! 😉 ) 

Be classy not bitchy
Be classy not bitchy

Don’t get carried away just because you feel like a perfect lady who’s all full of charisma and grace. Here are three things you need to keep in mind so you don’t cross the line from being a lady and turn bitchy.

#1 Don’t ever make your man feel small and irrelevant just because you’re completely capable of handling your own life on your own.

#2 Don’t go correcting everyone else because you think *you’re better than them* or smarter than them. If you really do have to point a flaw, be very discreet about it.

#3 Don’t ever be snotty or mean to women who aren’t as graceful as you. You may now understand the traits of a fine lady, but that gives you no excuse to treat other lesser women badly

I hope you enjoyed the post share your thoughts below and please reach out to friends by sharing on social media using the buttons

Source:Lovepanky written by Francesca Marie

The common “Ebola” in Dating for She

Firstly, I apologise for going on a really long break from publishing posts, I have been around, I’ve always seen the love and care you’ve been showering on my blog, I know you all missed me, I did too, I’ll be talking on something very interesting which is: “the common Ebola in Dating for she”

THE EBOLA IN DATING 

Could there be an Ebola in Dating
Could there be an Ebola in Dating

We all know that Ebola is a deadly disease and it spreads like wildfire, but what I’m going to be talking about today, is deadlier and not as contagious if you’re wise, In other words Wisdom is it‘s cure! 

Do not try to let go of your own standards so you can fit with a particular person, If he is truly “the one” he will level up to meet with your standards

Growing up in a society that is all materialistic, with deformed norms and culture, you need to be focused and determined to save yourself the qualms and shortfalls of the societal dating checklist.

A look at this Scenario:

You went hanging out with some friends, probably “ladies time out” and suddenly! glancing around, you found

with the hottie
with the hottie

a hottie staring at you and after a short while, you got locked up in a gaze, feeling butterflies in your tummy now, you no longer feel your friends presence could that be “love at first sight” (haha..I doubt) and after the night, you dropped your number with that hottie and after series of playing hard to get and dates, you took notice of how he drove in a Ferrari or a Lambourgini (of course! who wouldn’t), how he wore a straight cut suit and he looked sleek (the man of your dreams, I heard you) lols with strict work etiquette and you don’t know if he’s hot yet because you’re Chaste and don’t want to see without clothes on, of course.

So, What’s all this “Ebola” about? 

Getting to the root of the matter, although this appearance isn’t bad in itself, is that really all that matters?

Did I mention his manners? How he always made sure to drop roses at your doorstep in the mornings(how romantic 🙂 , he always came down to open the door for you and always saving his “damsel in distress”. What else could a Lady need for Heavens Sake!

Even when he inspires you and spurs you mentally and intellectually? Is that still all that matters? Could we be missing out on something even vital

In life, because we are spirit beings, the spiritual state of a person is always more important than the outward appearance, Jesus said “know no man by the flesh” and that’s why the bible says Guard your heart-your Spirit with all DILIGENCE for out of it are the issues of life,” because the essence of you is in your spirit, you should also be very careful who you let to influence your Spirit, “Guard it” the way you respond to life’s situations comes from your Spirit, of course because ” the Spiritual controls the Physical”

If he has a negative mind – his Spirit is not sound

If he has a problem relating well to others – his Spirit is not sound

If he has a problem with the “feminine gender” – his Spirit is not Sound

Someone who is Sound Spiritually should not see you as a competition or try to harm you, to bring you down so that he can come up, he will always put God first and also Strengthen you in your Christian race.

Yes, you met him “well to do”, what happens after you both tie the knot, will the wealth be sustained? Will it appreciate or depreciate? If his Spirit cannot sustain the wealth, it will “crashland” because the way of the Righteous shines brighter and brighter not dimmer and dimmer, let’s even forget the wealth, as a Spirit being, he needs to sustain you too and not drain you out, if you’re in a dating relationship already, find out if this person is growing spiritually and “bearing forth fruit” or if he is stagnant just bearing the name “Christian” like he’s a Billboard.

This dating Ebola of not checking the spiritual state of the man you want to share your future with can be contagious when you hang around people doing it, that’s why you need to be determined and focused on what you want.

And the Dangers of a “Bad Union” cannot be overemphasized, It’s devastating, that’s a topic for another day but one thing to note is; The person you choose to share the rest of your life with can alter your destiny here on earth and even in eternity which makes it deadlier than Ebola, but is prevented by using Wisdom

Career Ladies and Ladies with Ambition

Your
Your “Happily Ever After” isn’t far away

For Ladies with an Ambition, you can easily forget the Spiritual aspect especially if you’re not working in the Christian Ministry, you’re always looking forward to what he can bring on the table.

And as a note to all Ladies, do not try to put your standards down so you can fit with a particular person, NO! Trust God, your spouse is already out there, instead he will be the one to upgrade himself so he can have a Queen by his side, don’t drop your standards but instead raise the dyke so that the best can fall in.

And don’t forget “He might not look like the real deal”, he might be a very reserved person, of course, you don’t judge the contents of a book by its cover, and even gold looks awry in its crude form. Be Patient.

Your Happily ever after isn’t far away, God’s got it all planned I see you and your “Prince Charming”

Let me remind you that you are:

Priceless,

A very Rare Gem,

A Queen,

Blessed,

Virtuous,

Industrious,

Indispensable,

You Name it…

One thing I know for sure is, “God’s got you” and you’re not slipping off his hands.

Please share your thoughts below and let me know what you have to say,

And I know this article blessed your heart and touched your soul please share and tweet to to your friends and followers, spread the love..I love you

Become Classy in 9 simple steps

About getting to become a classy lady; Being a woman is different from being a lady more especially, the classy lady, (haha) I think there’s a bit of tautology classy ladies are excellent calling it “classy lady” because a “qualified lady” already has class..lol, if you agree with me, A lady, is a woman with “class” And I’ll be presenting a list of their routines if you’re tired of loosing it in the “ladyship” game. Trust me, you’ve got all it takes to be a lady, you’re “well loaded” A quote from our dear CoCo says;

“A lady should be two things; Classy and fabulous”

-Coco Chanel

Classy lady
Classy lady

And so splad ladies, let’s get on a “fabulous” ride 😉

1. Values and Virtues: First of all, it’s your values that distinguishes you from the rest of the pack, be a woman that doesn’t waste her time doing what everyone else is doing but does what she does because she has a sense of purpose and direction, being full of conviction, she doesn’t steal, not because she has but because she knows the consequence and momentary pleasure associated with it. Always nurture your values, belong to a Worship Assembly and be active there.

2. Always Smile & Stay Positive: A smile is worth more than a thousand words, hides a lot of feelings and emotions and projects you as graceful. Like little drops of water make a mighty ocean, that’s how as little as a smile can take your look from barely dare to finish 😉 . It’s all you need to seal a look. A smile is contagious and so is your positive attitude. Smile more often 🙂

3. Posture matters: You don’t have to be a runway model to have a genuine lady posture; Practice makes perfect, walk with your chin up, it speaks confidence, just imagine if you had a soup bowl containing water on your head. You should Walk the Part, When you walk into an organisation, you can tell who’s the CEO or who’s in charge by their composure, you won’t expect to see someone with a grouchy step sit at the head of the table. She walks with Authority. Elegance and Gusto should radiate because you know exactly what you want and you’re confident in your steps. Even if you’re not confident, act like it, it’s attractive, no one wants to stick around someone who’s sure of nothing. Walk with your head held high, chin up, not looking at the ground while you walk, with your shoulders high and squared In a sentence, I’ll say “walk like a Queen” because you are one.

4. Be courteous: Always extend a hand if you’re meeting someone for the first time and always express gratitude for any favour shown you. Show you have manners and you’re not a beautiful but grumpy bratty Queen!

5.Workout: swimming-664643_1280 Exercise releases endorphins; which are “feel good hormones” and they motivate you to eat right. Find an exercise or sport you love, it could be swimming, start with it, and stick to a routine. Apart from exercise making you feel great, it tones your body it sculpts your back, strengthens your core, keeping your spine in shape thereby giving you a perfect posture all round.

6. Your speech: Learn how to speak and frame your words, let them not tear down but build up, keep words that don’t tell good of you, out of your vocabulary.

“Raise your words not your voice, It is rain that grows flowers not thunder”

(It could save a day) A lady doesn’t shout or yell on top of your voice no matter the circumstance  but if need be, stress your words per syllable and don’t shout. It’s courteous.

7. Pay attention to your looks: 

put effort into your looks
put effort into your looks

Being tattered isn’t attractive at all. Always look like you put an effort into your looks, “looking good, is good buisness” if your face is looking dull, you can get a lipstain to brighten it up (they work like magic!) You shouldn’t look like a clown either, find a colour that works for you, Never put on rumpled clothes, and try as much as you can, to get crease-free clothes. Put on the right shoes, you can make a mistake in coordinating your outfit but not your shoe choice. As Marilyn Monroe says; “Give a Lady the right pair of shoes and she will conquer the world” Never let your shoes spoil the show.

8. Signature Scent: Invest in a good glass of perfume with an amazing scent (It’s worth it). And personalise it 😉 Note: When going for perfume shopping, make sure you have no other scent on, and even as it’s best to test perfumes by spraying on your pulse(e.g wrists) do not rub your wrists together. And do well not to soak yourself up in too much fragrance..just a little should do.

Invest in good scents that tell a lot about you and your personal style
Invest in good scents that tells a lot about you and your personal style
Gossip
GossipListen to critics selectively, and make adjustments where necessary, some things people say about you do not even matter at all. Conversely, don’t Gossip or say bad things behind people it’s “so not classy” It will kill you slowly, dent your image and damage your reputation. A lady with class wouldn’t talk ill of other people. These are my 9 steps, are there any more you have for me, roll the comments in, let me know what you think

9. Sidetalks:  

Listen to critics selectively, and make adjustments where necessary, some things people say about you do not even matter at all. Conversely, don’t Gossip or say bad things behind people it’s “so not classy” It will kill you slowly, dent your image and damage your reputation. A lady with class wouldn’t talk ill of other people. These are my 9 steps, are there any more you have for me, roll the comments in, let me know what you think 🙂

Self-respect, Got it?

“Here, in its original layout, is Joan Didion’s seminal essay “Self-respect: Its Source, Its Power,” which was first published in Vogue in 1961, and which was republished as “On Self-Respect” in the author’s 1968 collection, Slouching Towards Bethlehem.​ Didion wrote the essay as the magazine was going to press, to fill the space left after another writer did not produce a piece on the same subject. She wrote it not to a word count or a line count, but to an exact character count.” Once, in a dry season, I wrote in large letters across two pages of a notebook that innocence ends when one is stripped of the delusion that one likes oneself. Although now, some years later, I marvel that a mind on the outs with itself should have nonetheless made painstaking record of its every tremor, I recall with embarrassing clarity the flavor of those particular ashes. It was a matter of misplaced self-respect. “If we do not respect ourselves, we are on the one hand forced to despise those who have so few resources as to consort with us, so little perception as to remain blind to our fatal weak- nesses.”<

I had not been elected to Phi Beta Kappa. This failure could scarcely have been more predictable or less ambiguous (I simply did not have the grades), but I was unnerved by it; I had somehow thought myself a kind of academic Raskolnikov, curiously exempt from the cause-effect relationships that hampered others. Although the situation must have had even then the approximate tragic stature of Scott Fitzgerald’s failure to become president of the Princeton Triangle Club, the day that I did not make Phi Beta Kappa nevertheless marked the end of something, and innocence may well be the word for it. I lost the conviction that lights would always turn green for me, the pleasant certainty that those rather passive virtues which had won me approval as a child automatically guaranteed me not only Phi Beta Kappa keys but happiness, honour, and the love of a good man (preferably a cross between Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca and one of the Murchisons in a proxy fight); lost a certain touching faith in the totem power of good manners, clean hair, and proven competence on the Stanford-Binet scale. To such doubtful amulets had my self-respect been pinned, and I faced myself that day with the nonplussed wonder of someone who has come across a vampire and found no garlands of garlic at hand. Although to be driven back upon oneself is an uneasy affair at best, rather like trying to cross a border with borrowed credentials, it seems to me now the one condition necessary to the beginnings of real self-respect. Most of our platitudes notwithstanding, self-deception remains the most difficult deception. The charms that work on others count for nothing in that devastatingly well-lit back alley where one keeps assignations with oneself: no winning smiles will do here, no prettily drawn lists of good intentions. With the desperate agility of a crooked faro dealer who spots Bat Masterson about to cut himself into the game, one shuffles flashily but in vain through one’s marked cards—the kindness done for the wrong reason, the apparent triumph which had involved no real effort, the seemingly heroic act into which one had been shamed. The dismal fact is that self-respect has nothing to do with the approval of others—who are, after all, deceived easily enough; has nothing to do with reputation—which, as Rhett Butler told Scarlett O’Hara, is something that people with courage can do without. To do without self-respect, on the other hand, is to be an unwilling audience of one to an interminable home movie that documents one’s failings, both real and imagined, with fresh footage spliced in for each screening. There’s the glass you broke in anger, there’s the hurt on X’s face; watch now, this next scene, the night Y came back from Houston, see how you muff this one. To live without self-respect is to lie awake some night, beyond the reach of warm milk, phenobarbital, and the sleeping hand on the coverlet, counting up the sins of commission and omission, the trusts betrayed, the promises subtly broken, the gifts irrevocably wasted through sloth or cowardice or carelessness. However long we post- pone it, we eventually lie down alone in that notoriously un- comfortable bed, the one we make ourselves. Whether or not we sleep in it depends, of course, on whether or not we respect ourselves. To protest that some fairly improbable people, some people who could not possibly respect themselves, seem to sleep easily enough is to miss the point entirely, as surely as those people miss it who think that self-respect has necessarily to do with not having safety pins in one’s underwear. There is a common superstition that “self-respect” is a kind of charm against snakes, something that keeps those who have it locked in some unblighted Eden, out of strange beds, ambivalent conversations, and trouble in general. It does not at all. It has nothing to do with the face of things, but concerns instead a separate peace, a private reconciliation. Although the careless, suicidal Julian English in Appointment in Samarra and the careless, incurably dishonest Jordan Baker in The Great Gatsby seem equally improbable candidates for self-respect, Jordan Baker had it, Julian English did not. With that genius for accommodation more often seen in women than in men, Jordan took her own measure, made her own peace, avoided threats to that peace: “I hate careless people,” she told Nick Carraway. “It takes two to make an accident.” Like Jordan Baker, people with self-respect have the courage of their mistakes. They know the price of things. If they choose to commit adultery, they do not then go running, in an access of bad conscience, to receive absolution from the wronged parties; nor do they complain unduly of the unfairness, the undeserved embarrassment, of being named corespondent. If they choose to forego their work—say it is screenwriting—in favor of sitting around the Algonquin bar, they do not then wonder bitterly why the Hacketts, and not they, did Anne Frank.

no expectationis too misplaced, no role too ludicrous.

In brief, people with self-respect exhibit a certain toughness, a kind of moral nerve; they display what was once called character, a quality which, although approved in the abstract, sometimes loses ground to other, more instantly negotiable virtues. The measure of its slipping prestige is that one tends to think of it only in connection with homely children and with United States senators who have been defeated, preferably in the primary, for re-election. Nonetheless, character—the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life—is the source from which self-respect springs. Self-respect is something that our grandparents, whether or not they had it, knew all about. They had instilled in them, young, a certain discipline, the sense that one lives by doing things one does not particularly want to do, by putting fears and doubts to one side, by weighing immediate comforts against the possibility of larger, even intangible, comforts. It seemed to the nineteenth century admirable, but not remarkable, that Chinese Gordon put on a clean white suit and held Khartoum against the Mahdi; it did not seem unjust that the way to free land in California involved death and difficulty and dirt. In a diary kept during the winter of 1846, an emigrating twelve-year-old named Narcissa Cornwall noted coolly: “Father was busy reading and did not notice that the house was being filled with strange Indians until Mother spoke about it.” Even lacking any clue as to what Mother said, one can scarcely fail to be impressed by the entire incident: the father reading, the Indians filing in, the mother choosing the words that would not alarm, the child duly recording the event and noting further that those particular Indians were not, “fortunately for us,” hostile. Indians were simply part of the donnée. In one guise or another, Indians always are. Again, it is a question of recognizing that anything worth having has its price. People who respect themselves are willing to accept the risk that the Indians will be hostile, that the venture will go bankrupt, that the liaison may not turn out to be one in which every day is a holiday because you’re married to me. They are willing to invest something of themselves; they may not play at all, but when they do play, they know the odds. That kind of self-respect is a discipline, a habit of mind that can never be faked but can be developed, trained, coaxed forth. It was once suggested to me that, as an antidote to crying, I put my head in a paper bag. As it happens, there is a sound physiological reason, something to do with oxygen, for doing exactly that, but the psychological effect alone is incalculable: it is difficult in the extreme to continue fancying oneself Cathy in Wuthering Heights with one’s head in a Food Fair bag. There is a similar case for all the small disciplines, unimportant in themselves; imagine maintaining any kind of swoon, commiserative or carnal, in a cold shower. But those small disciplines are valuable only insofar as they represent larger ones. To say that Waterloo was won on the playing fields of Eton is not to say that Napoleon might have been saved by a crash program in cricket; to give formal dinners in the rain forest would be pointless did not the candlelight flickering on the liana call forth deeper, stronger disciplines, values instilled long before. It is a kind of ritual, helping us to remember who and what we are. In order to remember it, one must have known it. To have that sense of one’s intrinsic worth which, for better or for worse, constitutes self-respect, is potentially to have everything: the ability to discriminate, to love and to remain indifferent. To lack it is to be locked within oneself, paradoxically incapable of either love or indifference. If we do not respect ourselves, we are on the one hand forced to despise those who have so few resources as to consort with us, so little perception as to remain blind to our fatal weak- nesses. On the other, we are peculiarly in thrall to everyone we see, curiously determined to live out—since our self-image is untenable—their false notions of us. We flatter ourselves by thinking this compulsion to please others an attractive trait: a gift for imaginative empathy, evidence of our willingness to give. Of course we will play Francesca to Paolo, Brett Ashley to Jake, Helen Keller to anyone’s Annie Sullivan: no expectation is too misplaced, no role too ludicrous. At the mercy of those we can not but hold in contempt, we play rôles doomed to failure before they are begun, each defeat generating fresh despair at the necessity of divining and meeting the next demand made upon us. It is the phenomenon sometimes called alienation from self. In its advanced stages, we no longer answer the telephone, because someone might want something; that we could say no without drowning in self-reproach is an idea alien to this game. Every encounter demands too much, tears the nerves, drains the will, and the spectre of something as small as an unanswered letter arouses such disproportionate guilt that one’s sanity becomes an object of speculation among one’s acquaintances. To assign unanswered letters their proper weight, to free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves—there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect. Without it, one eventually discovers the final turn of the screw: one runs away to find oneself, and finds no one at home. On Self-Respect: Joan Didion’s 1961 Essay from the Pages of Vogue OCTOBER 22, 2014 by JOAN DIDION SHARE TWEET ADD A COMMENT 🙂

The ‘New’ Side Chick: I Was Her

I’m feminine!

Miss T. N. king

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing.

I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to…

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The Excellence in being a Lady ♥♥♥

fem

Excellence is an ambition, not a pedigree. It’s about the woman’s destiny, not her origin. Excellence speaks to her self-perception and the standards that that she will not deviate from. It draws a line in the sand and says, “Nothing less than this will do in my own life anymore!” A woman of excellence knows what she deserves and will work tirelessly to attain it. Do not be discouraged if you have failed or fallen in the past. Excellence is not based on past performance. It is a title given to someone who persisted and rose above her calamities.

A woman of excellence is armed with a road map that is marked, and Her destination has been set. This woman has a blueprint for living. She is not wandering aimlessly and hoping to be found by someone. She is driving on what some call the road less travelled a road only the great will travel. And she knows exactly where she wants to go. She has a certain something about her. Some will call it to arrogance; others will smirk and suggest that she has forgotten where from she came. Boy, are they mistaken. It is the memory of where she was that gives her the strength to arise and keep driving.

A woman of excellence is like thoroughbred, graceful and strong, a creature of rare
beauty. She is a winner . She is a diamond that has started  as coal a but turned into a jewel. She is rich in class as white wine served in a chilled, gold -stemmed goblet, whirled around and then sniffed before tasting. She is an exquisite wonder that this generation seldom beholds. What can I say? She is simply a lady!

Special post in honour of the International Women’s Day ♡
We Rock!!!

[Read more: 9 simple steps to being a classy lady]

Life is like a race in which all the participants run feverishly to reach a destination. They run with exuberance and tenacity to attain some goal that seems to elude them. Yet each day they gird themselves like morning joggers and head out again for the racetrack of accomplishment, toiling madly to attain some level of success. This race doesn’t start when we reach adulthood and enter the work world. No, this  is a race that begins in the womb and at the count of three, with the grunt of a mother, we all come out running. Deep down, we all want the same thing, and we spend all our lives looking for it.

Layered below the tragedies and adversities that happen in life, there lies a hopeful dreamer who wants to find the answers to life before the questions are screamed in our ears. Life does have a way of screaming questions that demand answers immediately, and it seems as though it will punish us for not knowing the right answers. Almost every regret that you have now evolved when life presented the question and you lacked the answer. That is the real race to life: to know your purpose and anchor into it before the bell rings, the class closes, and the night comes. Time is ticking, day is wasting, life is fading; we must learn in the light so we can choose in the night.

So how do we find those answers? I have dedicated my life to knowing three things:

  • Number one, I must know myself. How can I love what I do not know, or mend what I have not seen? I must know myself. It is dangerous to allow others to know you better than you know yourself. Remember that knowledge is power!
  • Number two, I must know my source, my Creator. What does it profit to know the product if you have no relationship with the manufacturer that gives you comfort in crisis. For when the product is in danger, it takes the manufacturer to redesign the technology or align the equipment. God is my manufacturer. I must know Him before I dare to know the third category. If I know the first two, I can study the third in relative safety.
  • and yes, number three. I must know my neighbor. I must know those who surround me. For even though we are born alone and die alone, we are not meant to live alone. We are social animals who need to love and care for others and have the same given unto us. I said you need to know yourself and your Lord  before you can enter into a true relationship, but a relationship is hollow if you don’t really know the person with whom you’re interacting. You can learn the dance steps and listen to the music, but if you don’t know your partner’s moves, you might as well be dancing alone

A Real Lady

The lady is a fertile field. Her heart is softly turned soil that awaits the seed.She carries the potential of massive reproduction. Her mind is the incubator of dreams and the womb of greatness. She is irrigated when in love and dehydrated when hurt. She is enriched by those who love her and stripped by those who abuse her. Those whom she touches will dine on her harvest. She will be the end of someone’s famine. She is a garden. She is the place where hunger is sated. She is the place where hungers will be quenched. She is the place where rich soil will produce fertile food and lives richer because of her. She is a garden.Yes, the lady is a garden of love and a field of potential, and it is a field that is to be carefully planted. A field opened and exposed, “Be careful what you grow in your garden & be careful whom you let sow in your field. She is the focal point of those who love her and the absolute envy of those who don’t.
She is a real lady.